Finally! What a relief.

I suffer from depression.  I have for most of my life.  I'm always afraid to tell anyone.  I'm afraid they will judge me.  I'm afraid they'll think I'm just on anti-depressants so that I have the energy to be super-woman.  I'm afraid they won't trust me with their kids.  I'm afraid people will think I'm incapable.  I'm afraid they'll think is just an excuse to be lazy.  Instead I hide it, and make excuses and people think I'm a flake.  Like when I say I can't do something that normal people would do with no problem.  Or when I say I can do something but I just can't.

There are some days where I really like who I am.  I am an artist.  I am intelligent.   I am trustworthy and capable.

And some days I just can't.  I can't make phone calls.  I can't go to sleep at night without the light on.  I can stay awake in the afternoon. 

I've walked around in a stupor all stinking day, and then suddenly at 7:30, my brain cleared and I feel normal.  And I made a decision.  I'm not going to take it anymore!  I'm not going to hide anymore!  I'm going to find a medication that really works, and I'm going to allow myself to do only what I'm capable of.  If I can't do something, I'm not going to torture myself because a normal human being should be able to do it.  The fact is, I'm not always a normal human being.  The fact is, I'm limited sometimes. 

So my friends, ask me to do things.  Ask me to watch your kids or teach your Sunday school class or host a tupperware party.  I'll say yes if I can.  And if I can't I will tell you.  I'm not going to flake out on you or make excuses anymore.  I respect you too much for that.

So when I finally have time to post on my poor neglected blog is when I've had my eye sliced open and I can hardly see what I'm typing.  Go figure.

Yes I, at the tender age of 30 had cataract surgery yesterday.  It's a very interesting procedure.  I don't remember any of it.  But hopefully within a few days my will see 10000% better than it ever did!  Yay!

So so busy, and nothing to show for it

I have been working my fanny off, but I truely couldn't tell you what I've been doing. 
Easter dresses are half done.  My coat is almost cut out.  I did some stuff for DeWayne.  I did some mending and lots and lots of housework and Homeschool, but nothing really exciting or... finished.

So I'll just post some pictures of our day at table rock this last Saturday.  It was lovely!

I wish my battery hadn't died half way through.



And now the last picture.  AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  I am feeling very motivated to lose weight!  No wonder my friend (whom I don't see very often) asked me if I was expecting!  I had lost 5 pounds and was toning up and stuff, but then I gained 7 and it all went to my belly.  Arhg.  You'd think a nice, long, uphill hike would do something for me, but noooo.

Violet's skirt

Made by Me March is helping me to realize several things
1.  I'm way too busy to post every day
2.  I wear the same clothes every single week with very little variation.  I just don't have a lot of clothes.
3.  Boy do I need to lose some weight!

I was sick for 2 months, then okay for 2 month and then sick again for 2 months.  All I could do was sit around, eat and take pain pills that made me fall asleep.  My new years resolution it to lose 30 pounds which will get me back to where I was when I got pregnant with Willow 9 years ago.  I plan to make healthy choices and lifestyle changes and lose the weight in a healthy and not-obsessive way.  I've packed up all my too-small clothing by size so that every time I get to the 10 pound mark I can open a box and have clothes that will fit me, instead of having a closet loaded with things that won't fit.  The problem is, in the meantime, I have hardly any clothes!

So yes, losing weight is a health thing and a vanity thing, but it's also a logical thing.  If I lose weight, I don't have to do laundry so often!

Anyway, here's Violet in her MMM outfit for yesterday.  I took this adult skirt pattern, sized it down for skinny-mini, and added an underskirt.

 

It was a big hit in primary yesterday!  Click to see the details better.