More Autumn

Yesterday was absolutely glorious!

More on my flickr page.

Hmmm....maybe I should go into photography?

Teaparty II

occupywallst.org

Autumn

I always used to hate fall when I lived way up north.  I felt like everything was dying before the snow came.  It was muddy and ugly and I hated it.

Now here in southern Oregon I love it!  It's like all the trees are blooming and showing off their finery just like the flowers do in the spring.  The air is crisp and cool.  The flowers and weeds are continuing their life cycle instead of just dying.

Willow and I found this nifty weed on our walk the other day.  I put it in an old milk bottle with some lavender buds from right outside our door and a little bird that I made last fall, from this tutorial.

Who knew fall could be so lovely?

New favorite blogger

So I discovered my new favorite blogger.  I have lots of favorite bloggers, but this is the newest one to the list.

Meet Max California.  Who is in Australia by the way.

Our lifestyles could not be more totally different.  If I saw her on the street I might be afraid.  But she is really sweet and she adores her son (you really should see some of the stuff that she has made for him) and her projects are brilliant!  I found her bra tutorial (careful, she says the D word), and I swear, just like because of tanis-isis I will never buy jeans again, because of Max California I will never buy a bra again.

Plus her hair rocks.  I wish I were that brave...

Poor Sweet Willow

Last week, Willow stepped on a pencil.  One of only two items on the floor and it was laying flat.  However, the pencil went an inch into her foot and left behind half an inch of graphite!

Not for the weak of stomach

It had to be surgically removed and she's still on crutches.  Poor kid!  I didn't have my first surgery until I was seventeen and had to have my wisdom teeth out!

She's holding up well though.  She's bored out of her silly mind and she's missing tae kwon do and she's going to miss her orange belt test, but she's having a good attitude.  I'm proud of her.

Finally! What a relief.

I suffer from depression.  I have for most of my life.  I'm always afraid to tell anyone.  I'm afraid they will judge me.  I'm afraid they'll think I'm just on anti-depressants so that I have the energy to be super-woman.  I'm afraid they won't trust me with their kids.  I'm afraid people will think I'm incapable.  I'm afraid they'll think is just an excuse to be lazy.  Instead I hide it, and make excuses and people think I'm a flake.  Like when I say I can't do something that normal people would do with no problem.  Or when I say I can do something but I just can't.

There are some days where I really like who I am.  I am an artist.  I am intelligent.   I am trustworthy and capable.

And some days I just can't.  I can't make phone calls.  I can't go to sleep at night without the light on.  I can stay awake in the afternoon. 

I've walked around in a stupor all stinking day, and then suddenly at 7:30, my brain cleared and I feel normal.  And I made a decision.  I'm not going to take it anymore!  I'm not going to hide anymore!  I'm going to find a medication that really works, and I'm going to allow myself to do only what I'm capable of.  If I can't do something, I'm not going to torture myself because a normal human being should be able to do it.  The fact is, I'm not always a normal human being.  The fact is, I'm limited sometimes. 

So my friends, ask me to do things.  Ask me to watch your kids or teach your Sunday school class or host a tupperware party.  I'll say yes if I can.  And if I can't I will tell you.  I'm not going to flake out on you or make excuses anymore.  I respect you too much for that.